12th
The Master Cleanse (aka Lemonade Diet)
well after a few weeks of contemplation, and a vacation week to ultimately decide, i am going to do the master cleanse/lemonade diet/detox for the next 7-10 days. the idea is to do it for at least 7 days, and if i have any will power left whatsover at the end of that period, continue the remaining 3 days.
this isn’t your grandmother’s lemonade
before i get into the cleanse, let me start by saying i understand many people think this detox is stupid, unhealthy, disgusting, dumb, gross, and unhealthy (again). i probably used to be one of these people (i still may be). however, it should also be noted that these are most likely the same people that regularly eat a diet high in fat and cholestoral, do minimal exercising, and lead stressful and low-energy lives. i’m probably somewhere in the middle but the point of the cleanse is to rid myself of such bad habits and maintain a healthy lifestyle going forward.
all that said, here’s the story of the master cleanse for those who may be unaware or disgusted somewhat intrigued:
basically, it’s a holistic liquid monodiet which includes no fiber and aims to work with the body’s own cleansing and detoxifying processes (while also nourishing the body). because you are feeding the body, it cannot be classified as a fast. during this period, no solid foods are consumed, therefore you essentially shut down the digestive workings of the body in order to rid it of unnecessary wastes, toxins, and any poisons that could lead to disease or illness. diseases are said to be caused by “toxemia,” which is the accumulation of all these toxins built up from eating devitalized foods (processed foods e.g., white flour, sugar) and foods with a negative impact on the body (e.g., meat, dairy, fried foods, trans fats, etc.)
one day, *sniff* we shall meet again my friend
eating these poor food choices and others low in fiber (and high in waste) take a longer time to go through the digestive tract and can putrefy inside our body before we can eliminate them. because they are not eliminated, it can overwork the digestive system which leads to us being fatigued where we then turn to eating more processed foods and consume more stimulants with little or no nutritional value. everybody probably knows a guy at their office that comes in early, eats a donut and has coffee, then crashes in the afternoon, then drinks more coffee or a soda just to get through the day.
this is where the master cleanse works is supposed to work.
according to the promoters of the cleanse, it is supposed to detoxify the body’s tissues, break down old wastes to be eliminated, and clean the receptor sites of cells. you know how comfort foods make you feel happy inside? or when you are going through a tough time, your stomach sinks and you feel sad? well when activated, these receptors tell our brain how to feel. with the exception of reversing age, and the ability to become invisible, the cleanse is also said to help you get better sleep, more energy, clarity of mind, positive outlook, freedoms of addictions, not to mention the obvious weight loss. i am not sure if i believe all that, and there may be a placebo effect, but i am going to give it a shot.
anyway, i’ve been preparing for this cleanse by eating a vegetarian diet for the last few days to get my body ready for the transition, i’ve quit my habit of black tar heroin, and i’ve stopped drinking anything with caffeine.
now for the ingredients. obviously, there are going to be lemons. lots and lots of lemons. it’s recommended to stick with organic lemons at that. the next ingredients are grade b maple syrup, cayenne pepper, and water. that’s it. you aren’t supposed to eat or drink anything else (with the exception of more water and perhaps a pepperment herbal tea). that means no gum, no celery stick, no sip of iced tea, no skittle, no nothing.
breakfast, lunch, and dinner. and dessert. and breakfast again. and…
now for the fun excruciatingly painful part. because you are taking in no fiber at all, you need to take an herbal laxative daily to try to stay as regular as possible. if that isn’t bad enough, you also (every other day or so) drink a “salt water flush” which is sea salt mixed into water. this is supposed to literally go right through you. i’ll be careful not to drink this before heading out in NoVa traffic. and since this cleanse also causes some unfortunate side effects in the bathroom, there is something they refer to as a “ring of fire.” it’s pretty safe to say johnny cash didn’t intend for that name to used in this context. to combat this horrible sensation, you can use coconut oil which can ironically be used as grease for your cooking as well.
so that’s basically the master cleanse. the difficult part will be while i’m at work or away from home. in that case, i will have a thermos full of a concentrate of lemon juice and maple syrup then add the water and pepper when ready to drink.
i’ll follow up this post daily with updates covering my highs and lows, how my body feels, my energy levels, how much i want to eat a live cow, and reluctantly even about some of the, um, shit, nobody would otherwise care to hear about.
day 1: 200.5 lbs and a relaxed yet anxious attitude
